I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
