Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
