I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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