I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
