C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
