aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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