Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
