The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
