My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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