Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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