I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had to cum in my sink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
