Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
