...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
