hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
