i already hear my dad disowning me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
