what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
