Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
