wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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