Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
