Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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