Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
