Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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