So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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