Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
