Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
