to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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