1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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