...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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