He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
