last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
