He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
