So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
