God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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