She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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