Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
