Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
