There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
