We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
