3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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