and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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