Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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