it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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