Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
