Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
