Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
