She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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