i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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