I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
