I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
