I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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