I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
