hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
