She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
