im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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